A penis is like an elbow; you should never put it on the table during dinner.

LOLOLOL omg I’m dying.

In the future... Husband: What are you doing?
Me: I found my old Tumblr!
Husband: Can I see?
Me: No. Noo. No. No. No.
Husband: Is that....Wait. Was your Tumblr about me?
Me:
Husband:
Me:
Husband:
Me: No.

bookwormsociety:

effie-and-mahogany:

bendydicks:

reidwouldread:

clairesawyer:

If I was a celebrity I would go knocking on doors and be like hello yes it’s me

I would ride the bus to confuse people.

I would stalk a fan, find out where they work, and bring them a coffee.

I would make a tumblr about myself and secretly fangirl about how amazingly awesome I am.

I would look directly at the camera during interviews and mention things from Tumblr. 

(via fevil-devil)